Despair is normal right now—but this simple truth will give you hope
11 minutes Yesterday, a friend texted me this:
😭😭😭🤬🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫
Because the House passed the murder bill, and it feels like yet another gut punch.
After I saw the breaking news alert, I wanted to crawl into bed with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and binge watch Parks & Rec for the rest of the weekend.
Stopping this bill was a long shot. But after 7 million people showed up for No Kings rallies all around the country, I’d cupped my hands around a tiny flame of hope, and it grew. 🕯️
Now, I find myself thinking…
Maybe I shouldn’t have let myself hope.
Maybe I shouldn’t have wasted my time on all those phone calls.
Maybe I can’t make an impact, after all.
This is what despair sounds like.
A hopelessness that weighs down your shoulders. A grief that saps your energy. A numbness that makes you want to stop trying. 💔
We’ve all experienced moments in our lives that led to despair—whether it was losing a job we desperately needed, a marriage ending in divorce, the loss of a dear loved one.
What’s different about this moment is that we’re feeling a collective despair.
We know this will hurt millions upon millions of people, including children. We know rebuilding after this savage slashing of our social safety net will take a long time. We’re scared for our neighbors, even the ones who live 12 states away whom we’ve never met.
👉 So what now?
I’m not an expert on grief, let alone the collective variety. But I can tell you that every time grief has knocked me down, I felt better only after doing these three things:
- Feel your feelings. Not to get all woo-woo on you, but in this moment, ignoring your emotions or trying to power through will either increase your pain later or make you feel numb to everything around you, including the joyful moments. Take 10 minutes to write down how you’re feeling—pull your thoughts out of the swirling vortex in your head and put them in black and white. Do it on paper, do it in your notes app, do it on the back of a stack of Costco receipts. Doesn’t matter where, and you can throw it away when you’re done. When I’m in the throes of grief, I always, always scoff at this suggestion, and yet, it always, always helps.
- Plan for joy. What’s something small that brings you joy? Reading a good book, savoring a special coffee drink you don’t usually get, listening to a favorite playlist, going on a walk? In the words of activist and author Jaclyn Friedman, “Don’t wait for joy to happen. Make it happen. Have something to look forward to at all times, and if you find you don’t have anything to look forward to, go invent something right now.” Also, your joy doesn’t have to look like other people’s. My go-to move when I need a quick dose of joy is to update my reading tracker spreadsheet. 🤓 (More on planning for joy in #2 under Do this + feel better below.)
- Be in community. It pains me to admit this as a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, but being in community with others is essential when you’re grieving a loss of any kind. Make plans to meet a friend for a walk, show up for your local Indivisible chapter’s next meeting, or invite some folks over for a potluck so you can process together. This weekend, I’ll be showing up to my first-ever Indivisible chapter meeting. To be clear, I don’t want to because I’d rather cocoon myself in comfort TV and cookies by the dozen. But I also know that after, I’ll be glad I went—so I’m doing it anyway.
What if you don’t wanna?
That’s okay. Your grieving process is your grieving process. Take the time you need to feel the full weight of what just happened.
But when you are ready to stand up again, please know that we need you in this fight, now more than ever.
Because I still believe we can work towards a better future—a true democracy that serves all of us. 🇺🇸
I still believe we’re doing this work alongside good people who care deeply about their fellow Americans.
I still believe we’re stronger together.
None of that has changed.
And nobody can take that from us, not even the billionaires and bullies in this regime. No matter how many horrible bills they pass or executive orders they sign.
I’ll end with this quote from Dr. Elizabeth Sawin, who has dedicated her career to studying how you create change in complex systems all around the world:
“Because life is self-organizing and regenerating, even the very tiny shifts we make away from harm and towards sustenance of life open up possibilities that compound upon themselves. It’s not just a park, a food forest, a fair trade organic banana, a pre-school with free breakfast—it’s also all the descendants of that one tired butterfly that needed that shrub in that park to lay her eggs…Don’t minimize the ripples of the healing work you do just because it starts small and humble.”
Tiny steps matter, and they add up.
So when you’re ready, let’s keep taking our tiny steps forward, together. ❤️
Get this in your inbox: When you join Molly’s Army here, every week, you’ll get simple, doable steps we can take to save our democracy even when we’re busy and overwhelmed by the firehose of bad news.
What’s inside
Inside our latest update, you’ll find these sections:
- Do this + feel better: 3 things you can do right now. Taking any action (even if it’s tiny!) will help dispel feelings of hopelessness and overwhelm.
- Get a shot of motivation: A quote that resonated this week.
- Hey, look! We did this: A quick run-down of what folks in our little group of rabble-rousers have been doing to help.
- Your turn: What small actions have you taken lately? Let me know so we can celebrate with you!
Do this + feel better
Here are 3 things you can do right now. As a bonus, taking any action (even if it’s tiny!) will help dispel feelings of hopelessness and overwhelm…
1. Celebrate the 4th…?
(Note: In case you missed this in last week’s message and are looking for a way to mark the holiday today, I’m including it again here.)
Especially this year, the idea of celebrating July 4th brings out complicated emotions for many of us. It’s hard to feel rah-rah ‘Murica when so many of our neighbors and fellow Americans are hurting.
None of us in Molly’s Army are happy about the path our country is on now, and yet we have one important thing in common:
We believe a better future is possible.
Otherwise, why would you have signed up to get weekly emails about saving democracy from some random lady on the Internet, when your inbox is already overflowing? 👋
You did that because you in your core, you believe we can turn this ship around and build a true democracy that works for all of us.
This July 4th, instead of celebrating with blind patriotism, let’s celebrate that better future we know is possible. Let’s celebrate the folks who’ve joined in this fight with us. Let’s celebrate the long line of Americans who came before us and fought for democracy with their blood, sweat, and tears. ❤️
👉 Acknowledge or celebrate July 4th in a way that’s authentic to how you’re feeling right now. A few ideas:
- Find an alternate event: Visit Mobilize.us and click the Filters button at the top, then enter your location in Near, switch the Date radio button to Date range, and set the start and end dates as July 4 and July 6. If you see an event nearby that resonates with you, fill out the RSVP fields and add it to your calendar.
- Host a screening of a movie like Bringing Down a Dictator or Join or Die on Netflix, which is about America’s decades-long decline in community connections and how that phenomenon sparked current threats to our democracy.
- Bake something and hold a bake sale in your neighborhood to raise funds for a cause you care about or a candidate that could help pull us out of this mess. Decorate your table with American flags.
- Going to a July 4th party? Set a goal to invite one other person at the party to get engaged more deeply. For example, if something about the current crisis comes up in conversation with a friend, you could say something like: “Oh by the way, have you heard of the 5 Calls app? I’ve been using it to call my reps about [ICE kidnapping people/federal workers getting fired/kids losing meals at school], and the app makes it super easy.” Or if someone sounds overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to do, suggest they join us at mollysarmy.com.
But if you can’t bring yourself to celebrate or acknowledge that day? You’re not alone. Many Americans are feeling hurt and scared, and July 4th is the last thing they want to celebrate.
Instead, you could call your reps about whatever issue you’re most passionate about and know you’ve done your part for the day.
2. Make your Menu of Joy
Soon after the November 2024 election, I came across a post on social media that, though I didn’t realize it at the time, would be my lifeline in the days ahead. I was feeling heartbroken and hopeless, and I’d lost my faith in humanity. 💔
Then this thread from activist and author Jaclyn Friedman crossed my path.
Her whole post is beautiful, but one part in particular stuck with me: That even as we dig in on this fight, we need to plan for joy. ✨ Specifically, she suggested making a list of things that bring you joy so you have a “menu of ideas” ready to go:
“In the fall of 2020, as we were headed into the 1st pandemic winter, the Boston Globe ran a story about how scientists survive their stints at the South Pole. The answer was: you plan for joy. Doesn’t have to be a big occasion. Gonna be a cool moon coming up? Plan to gather to watch & admire it.
I took this advice to heart and have been following through the worst times like a North Star ever since. And whew, we are heading into some worst times now. So resist, yes. Invest in and deepen communities of resistance, especially. But also: Don’t wait for joy to happen. Make it happen.
Have something to look forward to at all times, and if you find you don’t have anything to look forward to, go invent something right now. Make lists of things that bring you joy, so when you find yourself without a plan, you’ll have a menu of ideas at the ready…
Fascism thrives on dehumanization. The more we’re burnt out and isolated from each other, the more we feel mean and desperate, the more their power will grow. Tend to the light inside you that makes you human, now more than ever. That is the light that is going to guide us through this darkness.”
So I sat down with my notes app to start a Menu of Joy. Not only was it a delight to articulate which small everyday moments and experiences bring me comfort, this list has been saving me on the hard days. I pull up my list, pick a small thing I can do right then, and I feel a little better.
As it turns out, I’m not alone in noticing the impact of intentionally planning for joy. Research indicates that ”micro-acts” of joy can boost your emotional wellbeing to the tune of 25 percent.
👉 So if you’re struggling, take a few minutes to jot down your own Menu of Joy.
You’ll likely feel a little better from that alone, and you’ll also have a ready-made list of simple things to pick from on the hard days when you need a boost. 💗
3. Be a clown
If you’d like to have more fun at your next protest, discover how to become an activist clown mocking authoritarianism:
“De-escalate tension and create more Instagrammable moments when you learn to utilize clowning as a playful means to address the injustices of authoritarianism. Clowns have always been society’s tricksters—exposing truths, mocking power, and bringing disruption and play to the frontlines of protests.
The unique space a clown occupies derives its power from being on the fringes, from being not-quite-like-the-others, being a commentator, a rebel, a soothsayer. Street theatre is the key ingredient in strategic nonviolent action. Explore clown as trickster, shaman, spectacle: who heals and critiques by disrupting the status quo.”
👉 Tap into your inner activist clown with this hands-on virtual training:
- What: Activist Clown Toolkit: Hosted by Indivisible
- Date: Tuesday, July 8
- Time: 11 am to 12 pm Central (click to see in your time zone)
- RSVP: Go here
Get a shot of motivation
A quote that resonated this week:
“Come what may, I will bet on us, every time, because there is no other bet worth placing. I am all in, fam. I will never stop looking for openings and aiming at them. I will never stop reaching for people and saying, ‘Take my hand. We can do this.’ Because we are worth it.”
— Kelly Hayes, a long-time organizer and co-author of Let This Radicalize You: Organizing and the Revolution of Reciprocal Care, shared here after the budget bill passed on July 3
Hey, look! We did this
Here’s a quick run-down of what folks in our group have been doing to help lately:
- Zina woke up at sunrise (4:30 am!) on July 3 to leave positive chalk art all over the boardwalk in a local park where Independence Day fireworks will be held. 🤩
- Natasha called and texted former USAID colleagues to check on them and thank them for their years of service after the agency officially shut down this week. ❤️
- Bill, Diane, Natasha, and Wendy showed up for our first-ever Kaboom Hour for Democracy, and it felt good to do something small to help while in community with others. A few of the things we did during that hour: wrote educational postcards, learned from expert organizers, called our reps, and connected with fellow Molly’s Army members. 💪
- Amanda and Erin hosted their food-making party for fellow moms of young kids and made 50 sack lunches, which they dropped off at several Austin fridge pantries. 💞
- Terri RSVPed for Good Trouble Lives On, a national day of action on July 17 to defend against the attacks on our civil and human rights. ✅ (Check for an event in your area here!)
- Austin and Gena are celebrating July 4th by attending a banner drop at an overpass. 🇺🇸
Your turn
What small actions have you taken lately? Please drop a comment below (or email me) and let me know what you’ve been up to so we can celebrate with you. 🥳
